Life's Tough for Anyone Trying to Get a Quiet Subdued Interview from JB Smoove!

This interview that JB Smoove did with Jane Borden is so funny we decided to post our favorite parts of it here. Go to TONY to read the whole thing, and go here to buy tickets for the quickly selling out JB Smoove shows here.

We’re both from North Carolina. Do you still love barbecue?
Yeah, chopped barbecue on a hamburger bun. Hot barbecue. It makes you go “hooty-hoo!”

What?
Hooty-hoo! All I’m sayin’ is, when you sink your teeth into it, you better be prepared for the consequences. There’s certain things you gotta expect. If you put raisins and prunes on a bun and you drink apple juice, you can expect diarrhea. That’s all I’m tryin’ to tell you. If you eat some Limburger cheese and a bunch of other cheeses as an appetizer at a party, you can expect constipation. Am I right, or am I wrong? That’s what life is all about: diarrhea and constipation. Constipation is putting up with some shit. Diarrhea is a release, a freedom.

So psychologically, at any point in life, one is either constipated or has diarrhea?
That’s how the world turns. Ask anybody.

What do you love about physical comedy?
I like to paint pictures onstage. People need visual stimuli sometimes. Have you ever heard of porno radio? No.

So are you comedy porn?
I’m comedy porn. That’s what I am. I believe in the presentation. I want to create a world. I am a comedy jambalaya. I’m the goddamn sausage; I’m the fucking tomatoes, the rice; I’m the corn.

You will give people diarrhea.
I don’t give a damn who you are. As a comedian, you always go for the diarrhea. I have already made somebody piss on themselves. I scratched that off my goal list. I made a lady piss on herself in Orlando, Florida, one night. She showed me her pants and said, “Look what you made me do, Mr. Comedian Man. I pissed on myself!” I have crossed that pee-pee threshold. Now it’s time to make somebody shit. I tell everybody when I get onstage, “You go to the bathroom before you go to the show.” I’m the ex-lax of comedy. I should put myself in a softgel capsule and sell myself over the counter.